No More Blind Dates!

I've had more bad luck with blind dates that friends have set me up with than anyone I know. To give you a couple of examples my first blind date was with a girl who seemed very sweet and seem to have all her faculties about her until she started talking which she did non stop. She started by telling me about her kidney stones and how she had always been plagued with them for whatever reason. I was stunned speechless at this level of conversation on a first date. Unfortunately she must have thought that my silence was rapt attention and interest. I guess I shook my head in disbelief at what she was talking about. She then said, “You don't believe me? Well look at this!”. She fished in her handbag and came up with a small prescription bottle. She unceremoniously opened it and spilled the contents onto the table. I was stunned by what I saw Three small pebbles which I took to be her kidney stones. Her obsession required that she carry them with her all the time! I have heard of people keeping baby teeth, but kidney stones are just too weird for me.

After dinner she got up from the table and excused herself and proceeded to the ladies room, where she seemed to spend quite some time. I began to get worried after about 25 minutes and asked the waitress if she would check on her. The waitress went in and was out again in seconds shouting for someone to call the paramedics. I went in to see if there was something I could do and saw her laying on the floor in her own vomit. Apparently she was bulimic and is now being treated for the disorder. Seems like I do not have any radar or intuition when it comes to eating disorders. She had seems a bit slender, but I had just thought she had a high metabolism. Guess you really don't know what you have till the wrapping comes off.

I did have other blind dates that I did not connect with, but nothing as bad as the first one. There was the goth looking more like Dracula's bride than a date, miss sunshine who was so bubbly she made you want to vomit, tattoo lady with snakes and lizards adorning all of her visible skin, and iron maiden who wore tons of metal stuff stuck through various parts of her anatomy (yuk). Since I have seen all of them dating other guys since, I have just put them all down to basic incompatibilities.

My very last blind date was really a humdinger. An old friend of mine (we have now parted ways) gave me her email address and told me she was really hot, just misunderstood. So we chatted through email, and she seemed intelligent and fun. When we finally talked on the phone, she had an incredibly sultry voice. She seemed like she wanted to meet me very much as well. We decided to meet at a Red Lobster because she had a penchant for sea food and I did not have any objections. In a bid to make a good first impression, I arrived first and secured our reservation at a window seat. An old model compact pulled into the parking lot riding low in the front end. The door opened, and my 'hot sexy' date extricated herself from it!

It seemed my hot sexy chick was more like 350 pounds of pure fat! She had totally lied to me about the way she looked She told me she had an average body type. I don't think I've ever seen a slender hippo, and that is about the best example from the animal world that she most resembled. 

I hadn’t eaten all day and hunger was getting the better of me so I thought, “What the hell, I'm sure I can be a gentleman and get through this”. I met her at the door and escorted her back to my table where we ordered our food. When our food came, she had difficulty reaching it because her stomach was in the way. To get past that, she literally put the edge of the table onto her belly of all things, and I almost ended up with my drink in my lap in the process. She ate like she had not seen food in a week, and I watched in amazement as she polished off her food. I was so caught up in the freak show that this was turning into that I had forgotten to eat at all. She said she was still a bit hungry and asked me if I minded if she took a few small items off my plate. When I agreed, she literally grabbed my plate and dumped the contents into hers. She devoured my food just as fast as she had eaten hers My amazement was not over because I got to watch as she ordered four deserts all at the same time. She put them away with amazing speed. I have no idea if her taste buds had time to register the onslaught of taste variations. I paid the bill said good bye and got the hell out of there. I stopped at a Burger King on the way home because I had not managed to eat a thing during my ordeal. I just ordered regular sizes. I just did not have the desire to face any more whoppers that night. I had had enough super sizes for the night. She phoned me the next night and after gushing over the great time she had, she wanted to know when we would get together again. I said, “Never! My job had moved and I will be leaving the country shortly”.

I have wised up since then. No more blind dates set up by friends for me.
From now on I'm sticking to online dating sites that I know I can trust. Needless to say, I am much better at detecting phonies than I used to be, so I seldom have any negative surprises. The only negative things that I have to face now are not getting a good vibe from a woman that I would otherwise be proud to be with forever.

Here is where I found the best online dating sites to join:
top100datingpersonals.com


Tags: Blind Date Disasters, no more blind dates for me, blind dates suck